After a wonderful lunch at Hillbilly Tea, I get back to the hotel and there are two fire trucks parked outside, sirens blazing and blocking the entrance to the parking lot. I think to myself, "The drama continues!". When I get inside there is a waterfall coming from the ceiling in the lobby, firemen in full gear looking around, and people eating fried chicken apparently having no idea that one of the boiler pipes on the 11th floor had burst turning it into a sauna of epic proportions. The funny part about all of this is that when the property was acquired, the administration knew the boilers needed serious repair and nothing was done about it. The second scary part is that the boiler is right underneath my office. Hooray for efficient business tactics!
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March 24, 2011 at 10:08 am by The Colonel in - Co-workers [+]
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March 24, 2011 at 10:08 am by The Colonel in - Co-workers [+]
So, I have to do a little HR work here and there as a part of my job and today I received a call to do a first report of injury on a client who works with us. Apparently this guy decided that instead of using the door to go and chastise the volunteers walking through the grass, that he would instead do his best Fall Guy impression and jump through a 10 foot pane of glass (not even a foot away from the door) while residents and volunteers were eating lunch. His face looked like shredded beef during the interview and his only excuse was that he was distracted by his supervisor. I can't wait to see what workman's comp says about this one.
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March 24, 2011 at 7:18 am by Anonymous in - Co-workers [+]
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March 24, 2011 at 7:18 am by Anonymous in - Co-workers [+]
Every single morning, the person who sits next to me gets a greasy bear claw out of the vending machine. She sits there and eats it, chewing with her mouth open. Then, she gets all the crumbs that fell on her desk right in front of her and licks her fingers and sucks on them. We also have to use the same door handle. There is a greasy, gray film on her keyboard. But no crumbs.
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December 4, 2009 at 7:40 am by Petunia in - Co-workers [+]
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December 4, 2009 at 7:40 am by Petunia in - Co-workers [+]
There are a couple of guys in my office who are obsessed with their bowel movements and talk about them to each other within hearing of co-workers and customers. Every detail is discussed. How did it smell? Was it messy, a lot of paperwork? One of these guys even took a picture of his shit with his cellphone and tried to show it to everyone in the office. Farting is also a big topic with these guys.
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October 17, 2009 at 8:13 pm by strummer in - Co-workers [+]
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October 17, 2009 at 8:13 pm by strummer in - Co-workers [+]
I used to have a job packaging fancy-schmancy organic candles produced with recycled wax. In addition to tying pretty little bows, I was also involved in the creative process. I would comment on whether or not a scent combination was appealing or what color would work best with a certain smell. One day, my boss was thoughtfully pondering an ivory pillar with a woman from the local small business association when I came in. When I said hello, he explained that he had a new scent and they both agreed it was wonderful but he couldn't think of a name. Most of his candles were named generic things like "Wedding Cake" or just a list of the essential oils used "Lavender Lilac and Rosemary". The candle was positioned under my nose. The smell was like cologne and soap and firewood, pleasant but very masculine and I said so.
My boss then said, "It smells like a clean man." I saw a light going off in his head, he turned to us thoughtfully said, "Clean Man."
Yes, "Clean Man" was his genius idea for a candle name. I wish I had a picture of the woman's face when he said that. She looked like she smelled a clean man fart.
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September 25, 2009 at 4:12 pm by TheGenius in - Co-workers [+]
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September 25, 2009 at 4:12 pm by TheGenius in - Co-workers [+]
I wear a lot of hats at my job, but the story I am about to convey involves the used car salesman hat. I was out on the lot with a potential customer one steamy afternoon, trying to sell an old passenger van and talking it up like it was a real gem. We were looking it over, walking, talking, and kicking the tires, but as we reached the end of the vehicle, I noticed something strange. Upon closer inspection, some vagrant or acrobat had laid out the longest, straightest, most incredibly placed turd on the back of the bumper of the vehicle. It boggled the mind as to how the feces ended up there, so perfectly laid out along the length of the bumper. Hardly being able to contain my laughter as the customer came around the rear of the vehicle, I chuckled, "That, we will throw at no extra charge to you sir!"
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September 22, 2009 at 12:36 pm by The Colonel in - Co-workers [+]
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September 22, 2009 at 12:36 pm by The Colonel in - Co-workers [+]
I rode to work the first day with another guy who worked in the same office. I knew him through a roommate but not very well. I lived near him, and his offer to carpool seemed reasonable. Our office is downtown in a city I had just moved to, so I didn't know my way around. He seemed okay but a little too eager to help me out. When we drove home that afternoon, he told me how glad he was that we were friends, because he didn't think he could have friends again after some guy had stabbed him in the back. He said that it was even worse, as they were "intimate" and I continued trying to change the subject, while reminding him that I didn't really know him that well. My bag was in the back seat, and when we got to his place he locked the car before I could get it. He tried to walk away and kept trying to get me to come in to his apartment. He refused to unlock the car until I threatened to break a window out, then he pretended to be joking with me. It was a pretty bad first day.
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September 22, 2009 at 9:49 am by cracklepop in - Co-workers [+]
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September 22, 2009 at 9:49 am by cracklepop in - Co-workers [+]
The person who I share an office with talks in a high-pitched baby voice. All day long. There is no escape.
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September 20, 2009 at 8:33 am by Petunia in - Co-workers [+]
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September 20, 2009 at 8:33 am by Petunia in - Co-workers [+]
A friend from another department made me a cake for my birthday. She brought it to me a couple of days after, since I was off work. When she did, it was 15 minutes before I leave for the day. Our boss saw it, and followed her back to my cube. I was trying to finish up for the day and get to an appointment after work, so I thanked her and talked to her for a minute. I told her I didn't have any plates and was trying to pack up, so that I could politely extract myself on time. When the boss heard that, he made a point to say that I should know there are plates in the break room since I saw him bring them in. He made the whole situation really awkward and was very insistent that I go get plates and cut the cake up. I didn't want my friend to feel like I was trying to overlook the nice gesture, so I went to get the stuff from the break room. On the way back to my desk he asked, "You on top of that?" from across the department. I guess that was to make sure I knew he was serious. When I got back to my cube, he sat down and had a piece of cake. Then he thanked me for getting the plates, but added, "Well, I guess you didn't have much choice in that" and laughed. I was late getting out of the office, but at least he got some of my birthday cake. That's what's important, right? Of course, he never told me happy birthday.
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September 20, 2009 at 8:30 am by Anonymous in - Co-workers [+]
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September 20, 2009 at 8:30 am by Anonymous in - Co-workers [+]
When my friends from other departments come to my cube to visit, we have to be sneaky. Otherwise my director comes and sits with us the entire time. He won't leave until they go and doesn't take any hints that we might be discussing something that doesn't concern him. That's pretty bad, since I don't see them very often. While butting into our conversation, he also talks down to us. The last time, he was so rude to my visitor, I went outside and apologized to her. Now my friends won't come to visit me anymore.
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September 20, 2009 at 8:09 am by lucius in - Co-workers [+]
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September 20, 2009 at 8:09 am by lucius in - Co-workers [+]